Twitter Is Trying To Stay Relevant In The Thirstiest Way Possible & It’s Not Going To Work

Poor Twitter. It’s seen its stock collapse by 10%, they’re hemorrhaging users to Snapchat and Instagram, and it’s basically only relevant when the crazy man in the White House uses it to spread nonsense. Now, in a last-ditch attempt to be associated with anything other than the worst people on the internet, Twitter is doubling the character limit from 140 characters to 280 characters, in hopes the added letters will make it more popular. Can somebody who still uses Twitter tweet at Jack Dorsey that this is a terrible fucking idea?? Hint @Jack: The problem with Twitter isn’t that people aren’t expressing themselves enough. That’s actually literally the opposite of the problem. 

In case you’ve forgotten the days when you and your besties used Twitter like a public group chat to inspire FOMO, Twitter previously limited the number of characters included in a given tweet to 140. Like, the whole premise of the social media platform was telling people to really think about and shorten what they say because any thought over two sentences is probably dumb as fuck. Honestly, it was kind of beautiful. It worked well in the late 2000s (how was that already nearly a decade ago??), when you still had to type “statuses” to let your thousands of adoring fans friends and family know wtf was up, but now we have Instagram and Snapchat, so does anybody still GAF about Twitter?

The answer to that question is a very loud HELL NO. To start with, the Kardashians pretty much only use it to sell random shit for advertisers. You’re not going to find out whether or not Kylie is pregnant on Twitter, so that’s a fatal flaw. The only people who still seriously use Twitter are He Who Must Not Be Named, that weird girl from high school who uses it to broadcast her mental breakdown instead of Facebook like everybody else, the Russians, and people arguing about whether or not something is racist. Basically, it’s a group of people who should be quietly journaling about their thoughts and feelings instead of posting on the internet.

So why is Twitter giving us more characters to talk about dumb shit? Because Twitter thinks that this will make more people use their social media platform. As the bearer of bad news, let me say that the ship has sailed. But there is still one reason to re-download Twitter—this doubles the amount of space Chrissy Teigen has to bitch at Donald and Ivanka Trump. Chrissy Teigen may be Twitter’s savior, so if this means we get more live-tweeted awards shows and political commentary from Chrissy, Twitter might have made its first good decision in years. 

Read more: